love

i'm packing up to head home tomorrow and i'm sad.
sad to leave.
sad that we live so far away.
sad that my parents and tayloe's parents can't see t2 every single day.
(would they tire of him? hhhmmm... )
sad that we're spending christmas apart.
sad that i feel sad.
i'm trying to find the bright spot. i think it's that tayloe the husband gets home just hours before us and is so excited to greet us he's planning to land after his 24-hours of travel, go home, get the car and come back to the airport to pick us up. his devotion makes me happy. i know seeing him and hugging him and talking to him face to face again will make me happy. and i know we'll be happy back in our home, all together.
but there's always this pull. i keep thinking about tayloe's grandmother, who spent years away from her husband during world war II and even more time away from her own family. did she feel this same tugging, the longing to be in two or three places all at once? i imagine so.
this is what my dad would say, "sounds like life to me, honey."
and i guess he's right. i just wish it wasn't so hard.
sniffle. sniffle.

some photos

we made it

i guess cute kids run in our family. here's grandjane with my 8 year old niece eliza. i should say my 8 year old straight A student niece. so proud of this little cutie.
so we made it. the plane ride was just fine - no tears and only a little bit restless - and we both fell right into the lovin' arms of grandjane and poppy. thank god for them.
tayloe the husband is in timbuk2 riding camels and having a huge adventure. meanwhile t2 and i are on our own adventure in nc. he's seen rain for the first time, met his cousin eliza, his uncle tim, hung with godbrother cy and felt chilly november breezes on his sweet rosy cheeks.
technically this is t2's first thanksgiving, but it isn't really. i keep telling him that my churning belly certainly let me know he was around last year at this time.
i'm thankful, to say the least, that he's here with us. i'm grateful every single day that he's ours and part of this wonderful family. tayloe and i are the luckiest people on earth to be the guides of this little guy's journey through life.
tayloe the husband, we miss you terribly and love you deeply, truly, wholly. ride those camels, boy, and get your indiana jones ass back home soon.
i've posted some photos of our trip so far on the flickr site. check 'em.

some cute pics

lex, steph and i took t2 to the park for a picnic on friday. we pretty much had t2 for lunch since it's all any of us can do not to eat him up. gush, gush, gush.
lex, who is a massage therapist, worked some kinks out of my back which has been a total wreck since childbirth. homegirl has the best hands in the west. i melted.
check out t2's double chin. squish, squish.
and those ears. those are for sure my dad's ears. aawww.

we've come a long way

this is part 2 of wolly + tay meet. they really do like each other. the sound on this video is a little up close and personal. i'm not sure i really need to hear wolly lapping up t2's face that well, but whatever. it's cute.
i'm heading to my parents on monday, just me and the baby. we'll be there through thanksgiving while tayloe's in africa. tonight i really started thinking about the plane ride. i think it'll be fine. i'm sure it'll be fine. it's just 4 and a half hours. it'll be fine, right?
t1's ears are getting a little better after i sent him to an ear, nose and throat doctor on friday. he's doped up and snuuffed up and jacked up with antibiotics, the hope being that something loosens it up by wednesday when he has to fly. ouch.
i think it's getting a little better, though it's kinda hard to tell because i think he very much enjoys not really being able to hear me.
so basically, send us some good air karma. we really need it.

are we on vacation?

it turns out santa monica is a really really fun place to live. since i don't know if there'll ever be another time in my life when i'm not working and i have an adoring, impressionable young baby to pal around with, i decided this week to start taking full advantage of what's around us.
on tuesday we found the main branch of the library. it's super with a huge kids section and baby storytime and even a coffee shop and cafe. granted, there are huge signs posted in the bathrooms that say "please do not set fires in this restroom" because i guess homeless folks have been known to do such things. but as we passed a man sleeping on the sidewalk on our way there i explained to t2 that there are all kinds of people in the world and we have to make room (or step over) them all. so i bet that sign won't alarm him when he's old enough to read it himself.
today we ventured to the santa monica pier because i'd heard that the aquarium reopened. on the way we had to stop and ride the carousel. t2 loved the fish and the pony ride. for the first time i found myself really thinking not about sleep or schedules or pumping or feeding, but about all the fun things we can do in the months to come. i really can't wait.
so i logged on earlier today to write a brief post about the horrifying hairloss i'm experiencing and before i did, i checked my friend reid's blog. lo and behold she's having the same terrifying problem.
there are so many dirty little secrets of pregnancy and childbirth -- too many to count -- but this may be one of the worst. this is not moderate hair loss or occasional hair loss. this is a mass exodus of hair. so much i'm looking for bald spots.
my locks had gotten so knarled in our drains that there was standing water in our tub. from tuesday.
ew. i just threw up a little thinking about that.
thank god for tayloe the husband because he fixed the problem this afternoon. i didn't ask how or for details.
i find hair everywhere - on my clothes, on the dishes, on my pillow, dangling from t2's hands. i for sure beat wolly in the shedding department. in fact, i bet he's looking around our floors and wondering when we got a golden retriever.
but if that isn't bad enough, here's what babycenter has to say about post partum hairloss:
A note to new moms with long hair: Strands of hair can end up tightly wrapped around your baby's tiny appendages, including his fingers, toes, wrists, ankles, and penis. This is called a hair tourniquet, and it can be quite painful for your little one.
um, did they say hair tourniquet? on his penis?
i guess i better watch for that to save myself a very uncomfortable and scaring conversation with him later in life.
oh. how. terrible.
ps -
t1 (or 'ol glue ear as i've been calling him) is borderline miserable because his ear infection is, um, sticking around. he can't hear a single thing out of it. everything we've read (and the doctor) says it could take as many as three months to clear up. and well, folks, one of us is going have a hatchet in our head long before that day comes. so i'm asking because i'm really, really hoping you do-- got any sage advice?

Vaya con dios...my darlings

t2 votes 2006

i woke up this morning at 4:30 and it was very quiet. i nudged tayloe, who's still suffering from an ear infection.
"he's not awake."
"What?," he said.
i went back to sleep.
i woke up at 5:30.
tap, tap, tap on tayloe's back.
"he's still asleep," i whispered.
"huh?," he said.
at 6 tayloe woke up and said, "do you think we should check on him?"
and so we did. there he was, sound asleep in his crib, where he'd been since 8:30 last night. he lasted another half hour even after that.
10 straight hours without a peep. i wonder if it was a fluke or if the work we did last week sunk in? parenting is just one big mystery.
so it's election night and we, with help from wolf blitzer, have been giving t2 lessons in civics. i didn't take him to the polls cause it was all i could do to figure out (a) how to cast my vote here and (b) what, exactly, to vote for because there are about 1,000 things to decide. i also think it was the first time i've ever worn a tank top, shorts and sandals to vote (it's crazy hot here right now). on top of all that, our polling place is at a sofa store. is that even legal?
anywho, t2 learned all about 'balance of power' and red states and blue states (gggggooooo BLUE) and why george allen and the marriage bill are evil and all the reasons we love nancy pelosi.
we're hoping his first word isn't mom or dad, but democrat.
if he doesn't sleep as well tonight it may not matter because i'm pretty sure we'll be awake watching the senate race in virginia. it's a nail-biter.
wonk, wonk, wonk.

alien encounter

zzzeeep. zeeeepppp. we. have. come. to. take. zzzzeeep. your. baby.
please. accept. our. beam. zzzeeeiiippp. he. will. be. the. savior. of. our. planet. hyasiayth.
zzzzzzeeeeeeeeiiiiiiipppppp.
he was on his way up until i told them he wakes up at 4:30 a.m. everyday and that the excersaucer goes where he goes. they moved on to the kids next door.
so it's been about a week since we instituted the new sleep plan and it's working out ok. the crib transfer has been the easiest part. it's been so easy, actually, that today we got a wild hair up our asses and decided to forgo our guest room, move the double bed out and make our second bedroom purely his.
this was a challenging project because it meant we had to first make room for the bed in the garage & then carry stuff together all while tayloe has an inner ear infection and can't hear very well (read: at all)
him: what's in this box?
me: i don't know. look and see.
him: what? this box?
me: LOOK AND SEE.
him: (looking). shoes and purses. shocker.
me: what?
him: what? let's move this
me: ok. hang on. ok.
him: what? got it?
me: yes. ok. wait. shit.
him: what? why'd you drop it?
me: because i said wait.
him: what?
anyway, we finally got it done and it's a bit of relief - now t2's changing table is out of our living room, we have a place to put the rocking chair and there's space to hide the saucer when we get sick of looking at it.
as for dropping the last night feeding, i think that's just going to have to wait. poor little guy is starving when he wakes up at 4:30. last night i actually heard his stomach growl. aaaawwwww. it killed me.
so yeah. we'll try again later.

my baby's got sauce

excer sauce. er.
it's horrid looking. but t2 really loves it.
turns out people are as opinionated (read: crazy) about excersaucers as they are about breast feeding.
they hinder development. they hurt their hips. they tip over and tumble down stairs.
deep breath. i'm just so tired of shoulds and should not's of baby rearing. it's all so exhausting.
all i know is what our little boy likes and it's this: (a) standing up (b) holding his head up and (sigh) (c) primary colored plastic.
so i got this today at the resale shop, thinking it'd give us both a nice break from the sometimes tedious roll over game. i wasn't 100 percent convinced that i really needed to buy it until the shop owner told me to just sit him in it and see how he liked it.
of course he grabed for everything and squealed in delight. he doesn't squeal in this video. he just finds the only natural toy in the lot, a set of wooden keys. that's my boy!
so there you go, kiddo. it's yours. get your sauce on.

quack, quack

who killed halloween? for the last three years, we've lived in busy, family-friendly neighborhoods and have had a grand total of 5 trick-or-treaters.
the ones that came to our house last night drove up in a car. a car! one of the girls was in her teens and barely said thank you when i dropped candy into her white leather purse. white leather purse!
it's sad because every year we're certain we're in a place where we can be witness to the kind of halloweens we had growing up. tayloe and i both fondly remember canvassing our childhood neighborhoods with a pack of kids, staying out way past bedtime and eating enough candy to kill a horse. both of my parents were willing players in the halloween game. my dad had a whole box of tricks and i think he found great joy in whipping out his scary mask and whoopie cushions and entertaining us and our friends.
i know our house ran out of candy on more than one occasion.
meanwhile, tayloe and i will be eating kit kats and mounds bars until t2's first birthday.
eventually we just gave up on trick-or-treaters, dressed up the little fella and went to a party. pretty much anywhere you go in la you can expect to see/meet/be given the bird in traffic by someone who is in movies. last night it was julie hagerty, aka elaine of 'airplane!' and fay of 'what about bob?' fame, who is stepmother to our good friend kelly.
we saw and met her. she did not give us the bird in traffic.
this may not seem like a big deal to you people, but airplane and what about bob are two of my most favorite all time movies.
tayloe and i both have to try very hard not to imitate the way we see family dinners happening at kelly's house. and by that i mean that we have to try very hard not to do it in front of her. at least not too much.
elaine looks exactly the way she did as a stewardess in 1980 except her hair is shorter and not quite as frizzy. she sounds exactly the same too.
her: um, um, catherine? what is the baby's name?
me: his name is tayloe, but that's not important right now.
in fact, it was a night of 80s celebs because we also met tom nolan. he was dennis the manager of all american burger in 'fast times at ridgemont high.' and that might be the only thing you would have recognized him in. he retired from acting and now i think is dean of students at crossroads school.
enough name dropping. the real star, of course, was t2. he was goo'd and gaa'd and held and played with. and it turns out he really likes costumes. he did a lot of staring.
is there anything cuter than a baby in a duck suit? a few more pics are here.