clap, clap

i'm not sure exactly how he learned this, but he did. it makes me wonder what else he's picking up from us.
like the frequency with which i say the f word, the s word, damnit, goddamnit, damnit to hell, hell, what the hell, oh hell and, "WOLLY!! GO. GET. ON. YOUR. BED. .... please." i really hope none of that sinks in before i can alter my behavior. (note to self: alter behavior)
i had a job interview today. i haven't really been looking for a job as it hasn't exactly been our plan for me to have a job. it hasn't exactly not been in our plan either. you know us - this is how we are. basically planless.
anyway, it sounds like a really fun job - planning events for a yoga studio in santa monica. i left t2 with our friend and neighbor pharida and went to see what it was all about. if i'm going to take a job, it's going to be something different, something that challenges me, something i've never done before, something that's very close by and something that i can be happy at because let's face it, if mama ain't happy, nobody's happy.
this job is all of those things.
the weird thing is i have really mixed feelings about it. first, i'm not even sure it's cost effective as we'd have to call in some reinforcements. but more than that, i felt like i was cheating on t2 just going to the interview. like sneaking around behind him, seeking out a new love. it was a pretty rotten feeling.
hi, mom. meet guilt.
at the same time, i felt human again and was reminded that i'm a bright person with a little bit of charm and a nice smile.
i'll know something by the end of the week. until then, i'm surrendering to the universe.

dear dad (3),

hi dad,
it's me, tayloe. gangsta lean!
i have something very exciting to tell you. here goes.
today mom and i were getting ready for me to take a bath. we called all the bath turtles and the yellow duck together and while i was getting undressed i got really curious about what they were doing in the water without me, so i reached up to the edge of the tub and pulled myself up to my feet and peered over.
i saw the turtles and the duck swimming around and i got excited and turned around to tell mom and then i fell over.
mom said i really had to slow down, at least until friday when poppy gets here. she said there's no way she has the brain to figure out lowering the crib and even if she can do it she doesn't want to because of The Great Weenie Man Wagon Debacle of Early March 2007.
how are you? is africa very hot? will you bring me a drum? or a shaker?
mom is fine. i am being good and trying very hard to be independent, but sometimes it's hard (see below).


i'll be happy when you're home again because you make mom and me laugh. what i love about us today is that we're a family. what do you love about us today?
ok. bye.
love,
little tayloe

seriously child, act civilized.

i'm outnumbered here. t2 doesn't know what 'please don't feed the dog at the table' means even though i've said it a million times. wolly has too much labrador garbageretriever in him to ignore the baby's giving and naive spirit.
truly, wolly knows better. i know he knows because when i scold him for begging for and eventually taking t2's cracker OUT OF HIS HAND, he tucks his tail and heads for his bed.
now i'll stand for a lot. torn magazines, toys in every direction, a neon elmo toy that has sound effects in a language i don't understand. but i won't have a kid with bad manners. it's one of the very few things in parenthood that i actually have control of so no way am i giving it up.
so until 'please don't feed the dog at the table' has meaning, wolly gets shut out.
he hates this. he sits behind the door and wails.
CCCOOOOMMMEEE OOONNN, he says. THIS IS SO NOT MY FAULT. I'm a D-O-G. HE'S A PERSON. (let it be noted, however, that i'm far more advanced in most areas. i mean, i could walk 5 minutes after i was born. hello?).
once again, the pooch gets screwed.
my dear friend katie sent me an early birthday gift last week - the magic bullet. not that kind of magic bullet, she winks. this magic bullet.
it's good for all kinds of quick whip ups, not the least of which is blended food to feed to the muncher.
i decided to give it a whirl tonight. only, i forgot that i'm not really cooking anything while tayloe is gone because i cannot take care of the baby and get my freelance work done and play with the dog and do the laundry and be little Miss Molly Maid and nurse my 587th cold AND be a gourmet cook for one-person. so it's salads and lean cuisines for me.
now i've pretty much fed t2 everything except 'banned' foods, but i'm not going to blend a frozen dinner. that's the kind of thing that'll really screw up a good game of 'i never.'
that left salad.
so i chunked some veggies, threw in some lettuce and added a little water. volia! a salad slurpee. move it, rachael ray.
we sat down to eat, me with my meal and t2 with his sweet potatoes and water salad and sippy cup of formula.
sweet potatoes. good.
sippy cup. good. milk. good.
next, a bite of the salad slush. you'd of thought i fed the kid puke.
OMG, MMMMMOOOMMM? G-R-O-S-S. phwey.
since we're working on manners, i told him it wasn't polite to make a nasty face at the cook of his meals because blending salad is hard work and hard work should always be appreciated. ESPECIALLY when the person working hard is your mother.
more sweet potatoes. more milk. and quick quick quick, another bite of the amazing, wonderful, delicious, SALAD SLURPEE!!!!
AAACCCCKKK. spit, spit, spit.
no spitting at the table, son.
more milk, more sweet potatoes, a few nibbles on a cracker. and and and, here it comes, mmmmmm mmmmmmmmmmm salad slush!!!
BLEH. belch. NO salad slush. chug, chug, chug sippy cup of milk. sippy cup, save me. help sippy cup. protect me from this crazy person who is my mother.

hi da da

tayloe, this might really get your gut. and since you wept at 'Titanic' i think you should grab some tissues. sniffle.
also - reid did i ever thank you enough for this photo? it's had a permanent place on our kitchen fridge since you took it in '05 and has more than once has given me strength to put the butcher knife down and hug my husband instead of hacking him to pieces.
and since i'm not chum at the end of a line in the rappahannock, i think it's probably had the same effect on him.

little blue bucket

look who has a new blue bucket to put things in to and take things out of! between this and the metal cake pans, we have enough to occupy t2 for a couple of days.
tayloe left on friday for africa and we're here holdin' down the fort. it's life as usual except that i can watch 'flip this house' and the food network every night without interruption. by the time he gets back i'll have caught up on every episode i've missed and won't care that i no longer have control of the remote. i will have also caught up on every single girlie flick made since 1985. it's a good night when you're eating ice cream and trying to choose between 'dirty dancing' and 'bull durham.'
cute? cute? honey, baby ducks are cute ...

bye bye daddy

look! the wagon is back together and fully operational. three cheers for dad.
tayloe leaves for africa tomorrow. that leaves t2 and me for a solid week, which i think is the longest we've ever been alone together. he's still having some separation anxiety issues - 7 days straight with me should really take care of that, eh?
in the meantime, i'm considering cutting my hair. i'm just tired of it - dealing with it, brushing it, putting it up. so over it. the other thing is i'm about to turn 32 which i'm not trying to forget but also not trying hard to remember. maybe it's time for something new.
this is what i do. grow it, cut it. grow it, cut it. grow it, cut it. the last time i chopped it, i was pretty bummed. but i also remember that i didn't fully think through the style i wanted.
this time i've been doing some research. maybe this? or this? OR, this
any ideas? mmm, femullet.

the t2 boogie

hi pan. you're nice and shiny and good to make cakes in. i like the way you sound when i bang you on the floor. have you met my friend small white colander? he's like bowl (who's taking a nap in the pantry) only colander has holes. no. no. eheh. hhhmmm. jeeze, pan you shouldn't say that about someone you just met.


who can resist three dog night? not i, friend. and neither can our little boy.
i can't say i don't know where he gets it. i can break into song & dance at a moment's notice. and tayloe the dad? c'mon. have you seen his justin timberlake impression? or his imitation of an 10-year-old circa 1983 roller skating to 'faithfully'? they're spot-on.
poor kid. he's gonna grow up thinking he's normal.

mommy, am i backwards?

i spent an unnatural amount of time taking videos of t2 today. but you had to see his moves. he owns the backwards push.
also, i got so caught up in wagon building that i forgot to mention that t2's getting his first two fangs. the sharpies have broken the surface. hooray! now when little boys at the ymca hit him in the face, he can bite them. i'm so relieved.
we also spent an unnatural amount of time watching college basketball this weekend. i wedged into the DATA bracket pool and imposed hoops domination. of course i'm in 12th place, but rome wasn't built in a day people. go mighty ducks.

i love that weenie man

today was a fun day. i'm on a winning streak as far as putting things together so i decided to tackle the little red wagon t2 got for christmas from his grandpop and miss jackie. he's big enough now and the weather's getting really nice (as opposed to just nice) so there's no reason we shouldn't be sportin that ride around the neighborhood.
i dumped all the contents onto the living room floor and about 2 hours later, it was up and running. it took two hours because i put every single piece on the wrong way so after each step i had to undo what i'd done and put it on right.
i felt pretty proud when i was finished so i invited tayloe and the baby to join me for a walk around the block.
i think it was my dad who once told me that if there ever was something i didn't want to do again, i should do it wrong the first time.
i won't tell you what happened. you have to watch the video. but i will say i'm pretty sure i won't be putting anything together again anytime soon.
oh and also - no one was hurt.

My Baby Takes the Morning (Elmo) Train to Hell!

could it be?

today i felt something sharp in t2s mouth. it's possible it's a tooth breaking through. it's also possible i'm imagining things. he's been "teething" for the last four months and i think i'm the only one who can see and feel the little chompers just beneath his gums.
so i made tayloe feel it about a zillion times.
me: doesn't it feel like a tooth?
him: sure.
me: feel it again. (pulling his hand toward the baby's mouth)
him: ok. yes! a tooth!
me: come on. FEEL it.
him: i do. it is. yes. tooth.
me: tayloe, do you think it's a tooth?
this is my m.o. - creating mania where there should be none. teeth come when they want and everyone gets them eventually. i absolutely know this. i also know my kid doesn't have any.
speaking of mania, wolly is going to get a strong dose of anti-anxiety meds just as soon as i can find a doc (or an online site) who'll give 'em to me. while i was gone he dug a bunch of holes in the yard and yelped and moaned incessently and then escaped the 8 ft fence and cruised the neighborhood for anyone sucker enough to play fetch with him.
he's a good dog. he really is. he's just got a serious case of the issues.
i'll keep taking him to the dog park and on walks and he'll get lots of love still. only now he'll also get a chill pill. literally.

i talk

sometimes i look at t2 and i swear he's gained 5 lbs overnight. today was one of those days.
he was looking so cute today i came up with the top 5 things i love about him.
they are:
5. his baby chicken hair. it's growing so much he sometimes has enough to have bed head in the morning.
4. his rosy cheeks. if it's just a little bit warm, they light up.
3. his feet. still a little pigeon toed and so soft.
2. the way he snuggles into me when he's tired.
1. his voice. so new and so much yet to tell us.

the most wonderful time of the year

there are two things i miss about work. my friends. and the ncaa tournament bracket. sigh.
we all make sacrifices for the people we love, so i overlook the fact that my niece is a duke fan. how did this happen? none of us know. i took her to the women's acc tournament in greensboro while i was home and actually cheered for them right along with her, even though saying "go devils" gave me heartburn.
check out some pics from the latest trip.
the last two days t2 has fallen asleep while i'm reading to him just before his morning and afternoon nap.
this is a major departure from previous habits, which went something like this:
have a snack. read a story. rock for 5 minutes. into bed. scream for 5-10 minutes. sleep.
he's always been a decent napper, he just gets a kick out of being stubborn about going to sleep i guess.
so like a mental patient who continually slams her head into the wall, i figured i'd just keep at it until either my head fell off or my brain hemmoraged. he zonks out peacefully at bedtime, i reckoned, so surely he'll get the picture eventually. so - snack, read, rock, bed (scream), snack, read, rock, bed (scream) has been our naptime ritual for a while. i'd actually gotten pretty used to it.
and now here he is, changing it up on me. on top of that, his nap the last two days have been much longer. i wonder how long it'll last?
this weekend we graduated from the excersaucer to a very bright, somewhat obnoxious walker that has elmo on it. this led to the discovery of the best move on the planet - the zoom, crash, splash.
you can try this at home. here's how --
1. rev up wheels by rocking back and forth several times. get devil look in eyes
2. shift to first, rev engine
3. burn rubber off the line, reach flight speed
4. squeal
5. slam into wolly's water bowl, spewing water everywhere
6. laugh, squeal, look at mom to make sure she saw
7. slap feet around in the puddles.
8. back up a little and bang, bang, bang into it over and over again.
it's so fun to be little.

the shredder

doesn't little t look so sweet and innocent in these pics of his photo shoot? yeah, i'm having to look at this picture today to remember that i really do love the kid. today i'm not in love with him. i only like him. and even then only a little.
he's been slightly unpleasant to be around. first, he's been sleeping like the devil and that's made him a crankster during the day. also, he really notices when i leave the room. and by notice i mean he turns all red in the face and whines, "eeeerrrrrrrrrwwwwwwwuuuuuuu" until he can see me again.
he's also been eating a lot and having some very unpleasant deposits in his pants.
my revenge is posting this nudy pic of him.
so there.
our sixth plane ride across the country was the most interesting yet. first we were sitting next to a very stiff older man. t2 was in my lap and as the hour de-icing wore on (and on and on) i realized sitting with a 7 mo old in my lap for 5 more hours was going to lead to cold, bloody murder.
so i asked if we could move to a seat that had an empty seat next to it. blessed day, we did. only the cow sharing our aisle was clammy and everytime t2 reached for her (i tried to stop him from grabbing her boob, honestly i did) she pulled away with a very exaggerated motion and made a nasty face. and everytime he made a peep, the littlest peep, she'd act annoyed and make sure i saw her turning her mp3 player up.
i told t2 this was a good lesson - that he'd find out eventually that not everyone loved him, and even though we should feel sorry for those people for being joyless, we'd have to learn to get along with them anyway.
but he insisted on reaching for her and smiling at her and slobbering on her arm rest.
it reminded me of this cat we used to have, bandit. he was black and white and mute. he had a real knack for spotting people who didn't like cats and when he found 'em, he'd do all he could to get close. he'd wind his way around their legs, jump up in their laps, sit at their feet and give his silent, pathetic 'meow.'
anyway, once t2 gave up on cow lady, he just sat and played with me the whole time. but i mean, 5 hours, people. you can only sing so many songs and read so many books before the going gets bored.
and when times get tight (and you're sitting next to a humorless hen), i pull out the big guns. which means i handed over my People magazine and let the little bugger have at it.
this wasn't as annoying as it sounds. he very respectfully tore off one page at a time & crumbled it up, stopping only occasionaly to see what drew barrymore was wearing at the Oscars or get the latest scoop on who's pregnant in hollywood. when he was done, i'd take the page and put it in a bag of trash and he'd get started on the next one.
we shredded the entire magazine and killed an hour and 15 minutes. after that it was time for a nap. and after that, we were home.
easy enough.
p.s.: who's the coward who posted the dust comment and didn't have the guts to leave his (geoff emery) name? it's dry in LA. things get dusty. and also, we're lazy. to older tayloe's much deserved credit, he had this house spankin' clean and bought me welcome home flowers to boot. i love this man.

A word from Wolly...

Hi Mom. When are you coming home? I've been lonely without you. Dad sucks. Hurry back. Wolly

dear dad (2),

hi dad.
it's me, tayloe.
i'm having a really good time in greensboro. we've been watching a lot of basketball. mom said it's march madness, but i can't figure out why she's mad because the weather's really nice here and i'm being good.
there's not much new with me. i still don't have any teeth and i'm still crawling backwards really fast.
mom said it's really going to be a shame when my driver's license picture shows a toothless 16 year old.
mom is going to a basketball game with cousin eliza jane later. i'm too little to go so i'm going to stay here and entertain grandjane.
what are you doing? i bet you are on the couch asleep right now. and i bet the tv has golf or basketball on it. and mom said there are probably dishes in the sink, too.
i love you daddy. i miss you.
love
t2