baby daddy

so i've been kinda hard on tayloe lately. when you feel incredibly secure in unconditional love, it's hard not to take a few jabs now and then. trust me, i get my fair share.
add to that the fact that he can be such a deliciously easy target. here's an example: yesterday we were in the kitchen eating grapes. half bored, half curious, i picked one that was a bit undergrown and stuck it in his ear. he squirmed and said with complete seriousness, "see, that's why i never eat grapes. people are always trying to stick them in my orifices." what kind of wife would i be if i didn't formulate a lifetime of jokes from that?
i'm digressing. what i really want to say is that i'm pretty sure tayloe is going to win husband of the year. i'm pretty sure of it because he's done all kinds of stellar things, like hunker down and put the crib together (above) while i sat offering unsolicited advice and taking pictures. also, he went to birth class.
two birth classes, actually. on a sunday.
it is, i'll admit, a little weird to take a class for something your body does naturally. you wouldn't, say, take a class in digesting ... or passing gas. but lots of people recommended it, including our doctor (sucker punch, sucker punch). so let's just say i got a little peer pressured into signing us up.
here's how the morning before session 1 went:
him: what do you want to do today? we can do anything you want.
me: anything after 1 p.m. we have birth class until then.
him: uuuggghhh. (deep breath). ughgggh. do we have to go?
me: i've reminded you everyday for a week. yes.
him: (becomes unbelievably cute and sincere) why don't you take the money we would have spent and go shopping. or get a manicure. or a massage. or let's go out to breakfast and take a drive!
i can't remember the exact dialogue after that, but i think i may have become a bit irrational. anyway, 30 minutes later we weren't exactly talking, but we were in the car and on the way.
in hindsight, it's so easy to see what a terrible idea it was. we arrived fresh from our brawl into a room of six stranger couples who all looked deliriously happy to be there. some couples already had children and were taking the course as a "refresher."
and then there was us: light years from deliriously happy and slowly realizing that we were going to have to talk with these people (or at the very least, pretend like we were listening) about birth. it was like sixth grade sex-ed all over again.
tayloe immediately started searching for the quickest way out and began formulating his plan to leave me there. meanwhile, i hid the car keys in my pants.
the thing is, he didn't leave. from a birth video from 1975 that was frequently paused at the most uncomfortable parts to the teacher's long, graphic and self serving story of her 40-hour labor, he stuck it out.
sure, there were lots of deep breaths and long sighs and horrified looks in my direction. and yes, he said very loudly, "i don't know, but i'm leaving here when it's 1 p.m." when the teacher was talking about getting to the hospital and asked how we'd know when it was time to go.
but he went. and he went back the next week.
i know what you're thinking - he's a glutton for punishment. but look -- homeboy's no fool. he had a plan.
now, a little over a month later, the class has become his red badge of courage. much to my horror, he's shared our experience with friends and strangers alike, sometimes in excruciating detail. recently, his favorite thing is to say loudly in public, "honey, are you dilated?"
it's my payback, i know. lucky for him, my love is unconditional.